i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
