I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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