A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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