he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
