so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
