I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
