Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
