remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
