He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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