'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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