you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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