PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize