He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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