The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
