I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
