...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
