I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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