did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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