i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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