You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You dont lie about slip and slides
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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