After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
