he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have post one night stand depression
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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