He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
