just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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