Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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