Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
