just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
