I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
