I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
