How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
