maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
