Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
