when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
