This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
