the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
