It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
