3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
