The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
