Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
