Rock
Scissors
Fuck
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize