Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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