Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
