Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Congratulations! We have a period
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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