i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
