I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
