Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
