Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
