Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
