who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
