I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
