i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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