Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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