I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize