ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
