I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Ketchup is God's man juice
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
