Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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