I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
