i always forget guys have bellybuttons
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
