My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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