If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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