She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
