I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
