if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
