Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
