...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
