I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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