My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
