take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
